Table of Contents
It's important to clearly understand how this gag book functions.
"Is the book empty/blank?" That's a fair question and the answer is "kinda, but not entirely." There are indeed separate chapters with hilarious cover pages for each. The Addendum is full and real.
Read carefully. After reviewing the TOC below, look at the section below that titled, "What a Chapter Looks Like" so you can really see and understand how it functions! Oh, and the Addendum is a completely different animal so you'll want to check that out too!
Secrets Exposed - What Men Know About Women (book cover)
Below is the actual Table of Contents from the book...
“The only reason I'd ever get a sex change operation is to see what it's like to be right all the time.” – Brian Wilson
Page Chapter/Section
5 Dedication & Acknowledgments
9 Foreword by Karen Alvord (The Author’s Wife)
11 Table of Contents
15 Historical Understanding of Women (Prehistoric to Modern)
47 Insider Knowledge to Decipher Her Emotions
69 Foolproof Techniques for Successfully Arguing with Women
91 The Discovered Reasons Why Women Go to the Bathroom in Groups
115 Mysteries of Women's Handbags Exposed
139 Navigating the Double-Edged Sword of Complimenting Women Without Being Misunderstood
153 Foolproof Answers for the Dangerous "Does This Make Me Look Fat?" Question
155 Comprehensive Insights into Why Women’s Shopping Habits Require So Much Time Compared to Men’s
179 Secrets Behind Why Women Are So Great at Multitasking
203 How to Guarantee Your Beautiful Woman Feels Beautiful
219 Proven Techniques to Ensure She Will Be on Time
241 Why Women are More Talkative Than Men
265 Men’s Insights into the Real Reason for All Those Pillows
281 How Women can Tell the Color Difference between Off-White, Ivory, Vanilla, Cream, Ecru, Eggshell, Beige, Linen, Buff, and Dove
305 Unmistakably Understanding What Intimacy Means to Her
321 How to Guarantee the Intimacy You Desire
343 Techniques for Handling Menstrual Cycles Like a Pro
359 Pregnancy: Proven Knowledge for Dealing with All Nine Months
375 Everything the Best Dads Know About Their Daughters (Birth to Empty Nest)
387 Tips for Understanding What Her Girlfriends Are Saying About You
403 Her Magical Intuition and How to Avoid Becoming Its Victim
417 If Divorce Happens, How to Avoid Getting Taken to the Cleaners
427 What Artificial Intelligence Understands About Women
435 Hints & Signals: Translate the Code and Read Between the Lines
443 The Supernatural Connection Between Women and Chocolate
449 Conclusive Research Explaining the Enigma of "Nothing's Wrong" When Clearly Something Is
455 All Other Information That Men Know About Women
467 Addendum: Husbandry 101 – Secrets Only Men Know. Selected Excerpts
467 ~Gentlemen, DO NOT SHARE THIS WITH WOMEN or you'll be required to turn in your Man Card!
469 ~Lifetime Liberation from Laundry
469 ~Classic Bait and Switch
470 ~Crayola Explosion
471 ~Drying With Purpose
472 ~Folding Clothes to Keep Wrinkles In
473 ~Wash, Rinse, Repeat
473 ~Disclaimer
475 ~Cooking for Freedom
475 ~Prepare the Groundwork
478 ~Manstakes for the Most Memorable Meal
478 ~Setting the Table
479 ~It Takes Meat Balls
480 ~The Limp Spaghetti Conundrum
480 ~Sassy Sauce
481 ~Crunchy Salad
481 ~Bring Home the Bread
482 ~Having Your Cake and Not Eating It Too
482 ~The Closing Act
484 ~Avoid Getting Sucked Back into the Kitchen
485 ~Reward Her for Your Freedom
487 ~Maintaining BBQ Grill Master Status
487 ~The Setup
488 ~Gaslighting
489 ~Get Her Cooking
489 ~The Final Lap
490 ~The Barb was Queued Up
493 ~The Secret Point System Game That Women Play
493 ~The Deets
494 ~The Score is Against You
494 ~Marbled Sunscreen
495 ~Phone Call at Work
495 ~Hold Her Purse
496 ~Wearing Girlyman Clothes
497 ~Shopping Cart Humiliation
498 ~Run to the Store for “A Few Things”
499 ~Rolling with the Punches
What a Chapter Looks Like...
As you can see by the complete Table of Contents above, this book covers all the topics! What you don't see is the setup for each chapter. Other than the Addendum, which has lots of excellent content, the chapters before the Addendum are...well...different. As you can see in the chapter page below, it has the chapter title, some excellent and appropriate quotes on this topic, and a "setup paragraph" for all of the information that follows showing what expert men know about this topic.
THEN...as you might guess, there are MANY pages of exactly what men know about this topic! Yes, in this example, all of the pages between pages 69 and 91 (the start of the next chapter) are blank, other than the very top line and very bottom line shown on the page above. That's right, men know a lot of nothing about this topic!
The basic concept has been attempted before by others but THIS book is different because instead of being a completely blank book, it contains 27 chapters of hilarious topics and at the beginning of each chapter, there are multiple quotes on the topic as well as a setup paragraph leading into the chapter content showing all the information known by men on that chapter topic...unabridged! It's also printed with high-quality material.
What also cracks us up is that the last page of each chapter, just before the next chapter contains the words, "This page was intentionally left blank." (ROFL)
Remember, the Secret Addendum, Husbandry 101 is a full chapter of hilarious advice and techniques!
About the Secret Addendum, "Husbandry 101"
For dudes only! Learn how to never have to do laundry again...at the request of your gal! This Husbandry 101 is full of entertaining advice on how to avoid cooking in the kitchen, how to retain your BBQ master grill status, and for the first time, information on that secret scoring game that women play! Ummm, yeah, there are some pretty strong disclaimers included too.
This secret addendum chapter contains FOUR subchapters (excerpts) from the full Husbandry 101 manuscript. Yes, it’s a manuscript, almost holy because of the wisdom and power, but not in any way sacrilegious. However, the full manuscript of Husbandry 101 is never shown together because if it ever got into the hands of women, our manly world would end as we know it. Manhood and freedom would be eliminated, and women would rule the world with ultimate power. Click here to see more details about this secret addendum!
Author's Disclaimer
The author, Scott Alvord, is very aware that his book contains material that could be offensive to hyper-sensitive folks who don't actually read the book and only look at the table of contents to realize that the book is 100% written for humor and intended for entertainment. That is why he ran everything past groups of reviewers to get feedback and viewpoints. His wife even clarified this in the book's Foreword!
Here are Scott's words as written in his Dedication and Acknowledgements section of the book:
...
And finally, to those of you with a great sense of humor who love and appreciate the differences between men and women: I sincerely hope you enjoy this book. I whole-heartedly admit that us guys are the weaker gender and I hope the humor you find in this book celebrates that weakness!
I do want to be CLEAR that this book is written for entertainment purposes only and if you are offended…well…re-read this sentence. Also, if you choose to really follow the “secret” techniques detailed in the Addendum, you might find yourself sleeping on a couch until you wake back up into the reality of modern marriages.
Sincerely,
Scott
There is also a disclaimer on the copyright page at the very beginning of the book that includes the sentences:
This book was written for entertainment purposes and if you try to use it as a marriage or relationship guide…well…it’s kinda like Darwin’s Survival of the Fittest, you risk becoming extinct!
The Perfect Gift
This book is the perfect coffee table gag gift for new husbands, grooms, and those considering marriage proposals. It's 27 chapters (not counting the Addendum) of humorous, stereotypical subject matter that men have pondered for centuries, resulting in the compiled knowledge of everything that men know about women.
It will cause discussion and laughter among your friends!
The Secret Addendum (Husbandry 101) is worth the whole purchase! Learn how to avoid doing laundry or cooking ever again…at the insistence of your wife!
"To those who love and appreciate the differences between men and women: I sincerely hope you enjoy this book. I whole-heartedly admit that us guys are the weaker gender and I hope the humor you find in this book celebrates that weakness!" - R. Scott Alvord, author
"I have been a marriage and family counselor for 14 years and I have read this book from cover to cover and can attest that what men know about women in every single one of these categories is...well...100% accurate!" - Dr. Emerald, MFT
"This book is a must-read for young men or as a refresher course for the experienced man. Scott does a tremendous job outlining the numerous topics that we should know about women. The excerpts from Husbandry 101 are humorous, but I am surprised he is making public this top-secret information. What Men Know About Women is a lighthearted, funny read that celebrates what we really know about women and our relationship with them."
Dan Beal
Writer/Producer
"To those who love and appreciate the differences between men and women: I sincerely hope you enjoy this book. I whole-heartedly admit that us guys are the weaker gender and I hope the humor you find in this book celebrates that weakness!"
R. Scott Alvord
Author
"This book speaks volumes, well actually pages, to what men know about women. It's clever, entertaining, and a quick read. Read this book when you need to laugh or chuckle - which should be all of the time! This is the perfect gift for any man - it's kind of like getting a vacuum on my birthday. I didn't ask for it, but it sure is useful."
Alyson Smith
Rad woman, wife, mother, sister
